ADHD and ME

Growing up id never heard of adhd. Its only after I became a parent that I started to hear it being mentioned, I understood it to affect kids with symptoms of hyperactivity, more than considered normal and also badly behaved children(mostly boys). 

In his 2nd year at university, my son was asked by a therapist during cbt if he had ever thought he may have adhd. Although id never considered him as what fitted the stereotype of adhd in boys, I had at times thought that he might be on the autistic spectrum, he did struggle somewhat with socialising with peers. We then unfortunately discovered after being referred by the GP, that the assessment waitlist was 2 years minimum, time was not on our side as the symptoms were now drastically affecting my boy personally but also his studies. We decided to book a private assessment, he was diagnosed after a few months of evaluations and started medication, combined with adhd coaching and support from the university, he is managing to continue his neuroscience degree.

Whilst filling in my sons forms as his childhood observer, I began to understand more about inattentive type adhd, which is what he was diagnosed with. With this understanding came the realisation that many of the shaded grey box areas on the form also applied to myself, both now as an adult and as a child.

In true hyperfocus fashion I went down the adhd rabbit hole, only to come back out self diagnosed. For a short while, that self realisation was enough to lift my spirit and develop understanding of what made my brain work differently, and what that meant specifically for me. As time has gone by I have discovered I have an unquenchable thirst in my quest for answers, so here I am now, filling in my own assessment forms and rating scales. 

For years I have been my worst critic.

Called myself lazy, numerous times daily.

Questioning myself over and over, why dont I have more self control? Why cant I just do the thing? Why do I self sabotage?

ADHD...